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Upcoming Shows
Finn Riggins
w/Nonie and the Static & Holiday Friends
Friday, Feb. 5 8PM
@ The BellTower
PULLMAN
$5 Adv./$7 Door -
Stereopathic on Hypem
Jul
13
Now, listen carefully, because it’s true that I have a couple of demands. That sounds so strong doesn’t it? Demands. So demanding, yeah? I get the feeling that you guys know what I mean, so we’ll leave it there. But, first of all, I just want to be sure that everyone’s extra comfortable. Is it so? Excellent. We’ve also provided each of you with a gift bag. Some goodies. No peeking! Seriously, don’t peek, Twenty-Six. I’ll keep it. I don’t have to give you anything, Twenty-Six.
So, demands . . . I know! How about this weather? Raining without ceasing. And so cloudy. Freezing rain sometimes. But here we are. Here you are. Don’t feel trapped. I mean, technically you are trapped, right? But we’re always so tempted to feel like limitations are really negative. But the truth is, limitations are so freeing, you guys. They force you to work small, but a lot of times that opens up a whole little world. So, the manacles, they’re limitations. What? No. I disagree. That’s not sophistry in the classical sense, it’s more like positive thinking. Silver lining. Okay. Okay. The gag goes back in, Thirty-Seven. See guys, that’s not productive dialogue. I saw that, Twenty-Six. I’ll take your bag away. I’m absolutely serious. As a heart attack.
Anyway . . . I did forget mail-call! You guys are all so popular. But that’s kind of why you got chosen. So it sort of cuts both ways, doesn’t it? Eight always does so well. Look at that. That’s the paper equivalent of like an old-growth forest, isn’t it? But here’s the deal: I don’t want money. Pack it up. I don’t want it. You guys think I do this for the money? You’re crazy. No. You’re right. I am crazy. Don’t give me that look, Thirty-Seven. So sarcastic. And it doesn’t get the gag out, does it? You know who gets the gag out? Someone like Twelve. Twelve plays by the rules. Three, by the way I clearly heard the “Stockholm” when you sneezed. Twenty-Six! I swear.
But I want to get down to it, guys. I wanted you all here, special, for a wedding. It’s tomorrow. It’s my wedding. I’ve fought so hard for it. It means so much to me. And I knew that you wouldn’t come if I invited. Oh, please! No. Way. You’re just flattering me now, Twelve. That’s so nice.
Aside from mandatory attendance at the wedding, I’d also like a flute and a gun that shoots. Just kidding. Seriously, just kidding. I’ve already got both. No, I have no idea where that came from. Just clear blue sky. Haha. Twenty-six, that tears it! Give me the bag. Don’t spill it! You’re screwed. That’s a comfortable chair isn’t it? Not anymore. Not so easy now. That doesn’t happen to good guys. Game-players. Rule-abiders. He’ll wake up in an hour or so.
Whatever. Sorry, guys. I don’t want this to ruin our time. Tomorrow’s the day! You’ll get to meet the lucky girl tomorrow. I just feel so excited about this. So happy. She’s just perfect for me. It’s like a mystical connection. Like, I’m a really spiritual person and stuff, and I just feel so right about this. We met out in the woods where I was . . . nevermind what I was doing in the woods. Oh, fine . . . you guys have seen me at my worst anyway. No, I can’t say it.
Long story boring, she was out there, worshipping. And like in the first couple minutes of conversation she tells me all about her past life, and she was just so compelling. So, at first we were just going to make a suicide pact, but now, we’re so in love! We want to spend the rest of our lives together. Well, for longer, anyway. So, you guys, just try to get some sleep there. Busy tomorrow. Twelve, do you want to come have a drink? No, don’t get up, I’ll just push your chair. What was her past life? It’s so awesome, she was Genghis Khan, whom I totally respect. Such an influence.
The Byrds - “You Ain’t Goin’ Nowhere” mp3
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